Although most of my experience has been positive, I won’t deny that there are elements that are frustrating and difficult to deal with. Most of which are out of my control.

All the initial “camaraderie” I had seen at our first meeting isn’t all that genuine. I later came to find out that many relationships are very superficial, that there are people who will gossip about each other, organizations that will go against one another for the sake of gaining more power or more recognition.

You would think that people would bond together for one cause, but many times it’s the mentality of each one for his own, and strike whoever gets in your way. I would’ve thought that victims of such atrocities would work even harder together, but sometimes it’s quite the contrary. There’s so much animosity at times.

Pacux is a very unique displaced community, considering there are victims, former guerillas, and former military commissioners all living together. This mix creates much strain and controversy within the community. It’s scary to actually think of what might happen IF we ever get anything from the banks in terms of reparations. It might divide the community even further.

There have been many incidents of violence there. Last year a little 14-yr-old girl was gang raped by her own neighbors. Just the other day a 14-yr-old boy was shot in the face 6 times, gang-related. And it wasn’t even him they were after, it was his brother. They got confused and killed the wrong kid. Things like this scare me, disgust me, and ultimately frustrate me because I question how the hell communities, particularly poor ones, will forge ahead if there are so many underlying problems and tensions. I really don’t know.

Plus it doesn’t help that our own NGO lacks organization and coordination. Seems typical of NGOs.